Much of life is about balance. We strive for balanced eating, a balanced
budget and for me most recently; a life-work balance. I have spent the past 10 years being a stay
at home Mom to my beautiful daughters. I
was responsible for the day to day balance of our lives and making sure things
ran smoothly. I had lots of time to
plan, implement and make changes. I
worked tirelessly to create routines and thus balance for my family.
All that changed two months ago when I decided to take on a
part time job. Suddenly I am a Mother
who works. I had prepared for the change
as well as I could but I was sadly mistaken at how hard it would be to find balance. I have some tools that are paramount to
keeping my family running smoothly; the most important is without a doubt my
wall calendar. Yes, I use an electronic
one as well but the one that is essential is the good old fashioned wall
kind. I have been buying the same one
for years now. Yet somehow I still fall
behind.
As our activities ebb and flow so does my ability to be
organized. One week I will find myself the epitome of organized. I have a meal plan, errands planned by day
and even activities to do with the kids. I appreciate how much simpler my life
is when it is mapped out day by day, yet a small part of me misses the
spontaneity that flying by the seat of your pants provides. Alternately, after
a few weeks of not being organized my anxiety increases until I feel it’s time
to buckle down yet again and plan, plan, plan.
For some reason I have difficulty finding a way to make both
parts of me work in harmony. The organized
part of me is the do-gooder, the in control, responsible adult. Yet the impulsive side of me is fun, creative
and carefree. I am totally aware of the
dichotomy that I’ve created. Both sides
have their own strengths and weaknesses yet I can’t seem to fuse them into one
self. Can you plan to be carefree? Is that even possible?
As I continue to get used to working and mothering I am
hoping that a pattern emerges, a routine.
With so many variables (different schedules, activities etc.) it’s going
to take some time to get it all worked out.
Most of all I need to remember to be kind and patient with myself. It
will come, in time.
