My Demon

Some days, I totally forget about you. Days go by with nary a dark thought or emotion. I can almost believe that I am normal, cured. Then when I least expect it and without any precursor you come back. 

You start as a dark cloud hanging over my head and slowly but surely you seep into all that I am. I choose to sleep to keep you quiet but you're also in my dreams. You remind me of all the mistakes I have made. You call me names and put me down. You are the worst kind of bully there is, one that I cannot quiet. I wonder why, when I do everything that I'm supposed to, you still slink back into my world.

 I fear that I will never be rid of you. Even when you stay away for long periods of time, a small part of me always awaits your return. I wonder what it's like to live a life free of this burden. I keep my battle to myself, within me. I'm afraid that if I let you out there will be no turning back, no controlling you. I suffer in silence and shame. 

I hate you.