The Big 3-0

For the last few days I have been thinking about my upcoming, milestone birthday. Trying to sort out my feelings and decide if I was ok with it or not. Everyone was making a big deal of my becoming “old” including myself. But the truth is that I don’t feel any older. I feel almost the same as I did at 20. I say almost because I feel that the last decade has taught me so much. It has been all about transitions: a long term relationship, moving in with my future husband, getting a real job, buying a car, taking a couple of vacations, losing my mother in law, buying a house, having 2 kids, becoming a stay at home parent. It’s no wonder that my 20’s are a blur. But I honestly believe that I have changed tremendously throughout the last ten years. I am much more independent, confident and comfortable in my own skin. I make friends more easily and am less guarded and reserved. I feel like I am what I am and you can either take it or leave it, it’s your loss. I am starting to feel that life is too short for negative people or problems and I want to enjoy my time.

On the flip side, I find that I am also very bored with my life sometimes. I have not yet accepted that I am a grown up and no longer a teenager or young adult. This past Saturday night was the first time that I ever felt old. I am not sure if that was due to my approaching birthday or what, but it was around 9:30pm, I was in bed with my book, Bee was playing on his computer and I remember asking him, “is this what the next 50 years of our life is going to be like?” and at that moment, that thought depressed me. I told Bee to remind me of that thought in 10 years when the girls are late coming home or I’m fighting sleep because I have to go out and get them somewhere!

All these conflicting thoughts led me to do a little searching. I looked up “turning 30” on Google and found quite a few good articles. This one really spoke to me:

“We are all familiar with the biblical story of Joseph. In a dramatic turnaround, Joseph is transformed from jailed prisoner to prime minister of Egypt in a matter of hours. The Torah goes out of its way to tell us that Joseph was 30 years old when he began to rule over Egypt (Genesis 41:46). Why is this significant for us to know? The famous 12th century commentator Rashbam explains that at age 30 one is "worthy of leadership." Interestingly, the minimum age to run for U.S. Congress is also 30. But what is so significant about being thirty-something and being ready to lead? I found the answer in a most unlikely place-studying the laws of Rosh Hashana. The Code of Jewish Law (O.C. 581:1) instructs congregations to seek certain qualities when choosing a cantor to lead the services on the High Holidays. One of these qualities is that he should be at least 30 years old. Why? The Mishna Brura explains that it is because a 30-year-old is humble and broken hearted, and can thus sincerely "pray from the heart." It would seem that the Torah understands age 30 as a "moment of truth" when certain realities of life firmly take hold, and it is only through the acquisition of these realities that one can be a leader -- whether in public life or in prayer. What might these realities be?"

“Indeed, the Talmud (Pirkei Avot 5:26) declares: "At age 30, one receives strength." This is the strength of character needed to pursue life's goals. The 20s process of trial and error leads to a more secure decade of the 30s, when a person is focused on true talents, pursuable goals, and genuine accomplishments.”

“The old cliche is true: A jack-of-all-trades is a master of none. The 20s are the training ground to become a jack-of-all-trades. The 30s is the time to focus and master those talents that can be applied in practical directions”

What a great way to start a new decade! With feelings of strength, humbleness and the ability to become a leader?

Another article that spoke to me is this one, written by Heidi Fletcher (fitness competitor). These are some of the things that she has realized as she turns 30:

I’ve learned that as I’ve gotten older, I have become more comfortable in my own skin.

I’ve learned that doing the right thing, means doing the right thing by my standards, not someone else’s.

I’ve learned that I don’t have to settle. I have every day of my life to do that… why do it today, or even tomorrow for that matter?

I've learned that you don't have to lie to avoid saying things that are painful. It will just bite you in the ass in the end.

I've accepted that I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind to. And have reaped the rewards and benefits to prove it.

I’ve learned that trust is one of the most significant aspects of any relationship. And to lose it, usually means losing the relationship.

I've learned to accept the fact that I am worthy of significant relationships in my life and I don't have to click to "self destruct" mode when things get intense.

I’ve learned how to compromise without compromising myself in order to make life easier or happier for other people.

I've learned that I don't have to be perfect. As long as I am healthy that shows through and defines me more than anything.

I’ve learned that I am capable of independence.

I’ve learned that just because two people love each other, does not mean they should be together.

I’ve learned that people need you to understand them more than they need you to agree with them. I

I’ve learned that being a good friend and have people depend on you is just as comforting as having a good friend. And I’ve learned the importance of my friendships.

I’ve learned that it is okay to ‘grow out’ of a relationship, whether it be love, friendship or business related.

I’ve learned that people you love will hurt you. You need to make peace with it, and move on.

I’ve learned that love does come when you least expect it.

Most of all I've learned to relish my family, my mom and dad and siblings. Those people are invaluable.

I must say that I can relate to just about all of her thoughts and again, what a positive way to start my 30’s. I feel like a much stronger person who is more comfortable in the world and has a lot to offer!

I think that now that I am “settled” in my life, that my 30’s will be all about me! I have some goals that I would like to realize in this decade and most of them revolve around changing my bad habits and making myself a better person and role model for my girls. I think these will be the best years of my life, as Natalie (my little sister) said, “30 is the new 20!”