Hello old friend

A couple of days ago, I was reading some of my favorite blogs and started to think about my own experience blogging. I know that I enjoy writing, sharing little tidbits of my life and whatnot. Yet I can't help but wonder, if no one is reading, then what's the use.

I need to remember that my blog is for ME, that it's MINE and that it doesn't matter how many people read. I enjoy the feeling of hitting the publish button and whatever happens after that will happen. No big deal.

Or so I can tell myself right?

If you are new here then Hello, welcome! Please feel free to say hi in the comments. I make no guarantees but there will most likely be some posts, at some point, in the near future :)

Catch up!

So, a month without posting. I should be ashamed right? Well, it is MY blog after all!

I must admit that the last month has found me to be extremely busy. So much so that I am not able to enjoy downtime anymore. I just want to keep going and going. I can't help but wonder how much my new diagnosis/meds play into this, but I'm not going to over think it. I am enjoying being busy, doing new things with the girls and just generally being busy.

One of the things that I had hoped to really make use of this summer was my new bike. Purchased late, I had hoped to get much more use of it than I really have. While I enjoyed the few times that I took it out, I find that the girls are at awkward ages for biking. My 5 year old likes to bike on her own but can't go far distances and my almost 4 year old would love to be able to come along too but she just can't keep up so she gets to sit in the trailer. This summer was sweltering hot and humid and that also played a part in my inability to get out riding. Hopefully now that fall and the cooler weather is almost here I can take advantage of my afternoons alone to get out there and burn some rubber!

I had high hopes for the summer, but as we go into it's final week I know it's time for the girls to get back to school. We need the routine and structure that school brings. This will be the first year that both girls will be in school every afternoon, 5 days a week. It's bittersweet, sending my babies to school but I know that they are ready and will enjoy it so much. I have some big plans while they are gone, mostly to finally clean out my garage (I mean, who really needs 3 strollers and a bike trailer with two kids almost 4 and 5???) and I'd like to clean out basement and get it ready to use as a playroom for the winter.

The basement has been on my project list basically since we moved in. It was not finished well, with bowing wood panelling and a terribly put up suspended ceiling but for all intents and purposes it is mostly finished. It needs some flooring, to cover the poured concrete floor and some TLC but I think I can make it a fun place for the girls to hang out or play. Right now the basement is the catch all for everything that I can't bear to get rid of or that has no home elsewhere in the house. I plan to do a massive decluttering and to show no mercy! If it hasn't been looked at or used in the past year, it's going to charity or the garbage.

With the end of summer comes lots of changes and new goals. I am anxious to see where it all leads.

ADDled

There have been some recent medical /medication changes in my life and I must admit that they have occupied most of my time. I have seen a new Doctor that I trust and that is proving to be very knowledgeable and friendly to boot! So yeah, consumed.

But, on the flip side of those changes emerges a different me. Ok cheesy!!! Seriously tho, I changed meds and so far they seem to be helping. (Or maybe it’s the week off while the kids were in summer camp!). I digress, I have been spending time with each of the members of my family and enjoying it. I am able to sit and play a game interrupted. I can listen and converse in a mostly appropriate fashion. I can leave the mess for the time being (I will get to it tho!). I am making lists??? Every day, a list of things that need to get done. I mean who is this person?

There are some things that I am still trying to come to grips with, both physically and psychologically but I’ll get there. Part of me is also waiting for the crash, since this is almost too good to be true.

One day at a time right?

We’re going into the August long weekend and we still so many fun things to do! I’m excited for the girls. It’s going to be so much fun.

I hope all of you are enjoying your summers as well!

Let go

One of the things that I am working really hard on is being able to let things go. I am a control freak by nature but it hasn't done very well for me. It usually keeps me anxious and feeling like I can't do it all. Letting go is a challenge, one that I am sure will take me a long time to overcome. But the ability to let go is so freeing, when it's done properly. I admit that sometimes I act the part, I remind myself over and over to just "let it go".

While researching some discipline techniques for my almost 5-year old, I came across this little gem. It's funny how I find these things at the oddest of places. In any case, it really spoke to me and I thought that maybe someone else could benefit from it as well.

Stuck in a rut? Live out an adventure!

As you may have noticed I’m a bit stuck in a rut. But, the important thing is that I am doing things to try to improve my situation. It’s slow moving, but it’s moving and that’s all that really matters right? So you may wonder what some of those things may be. Well, one of the things that has had the biggest impact is this blog 100 Days In Bed and it’s message. I love the idea that I need to get out of bed (for me my rut!) and live my life. While I haven’t gone so far as to create an adventure bowl, I have certain ideas in my head that I am working on and I am trying to be more accepting of new opportunities as they arise. Recently I have had the chance to indulge in a few of these adventures!

A good friend of mine mentioned that her former boss had penned a book and would be having a book launch party. You can read the article here.

Being such an avid reader and lover of books, I thought now how neat is that! So I posted something to that extent on my friends facebook page and she responded with an invite. I hesitated briefly. My normal concerns all rose to the surface mainly that I wouldn’t know anyone, would it all be very swanky, would I have to mingle etc… but this invite came right around the time I discovered 100 days in Bed and I decided that it may be a once in a lifetime opportunity and that it was something that I really wanted to experience so I accepted! On a sunny Sunday afternoon my friend and I attended the launch party, my friend purchased the book ( I felt slightly obligated but did NOT in fact buy the book) chatted briefly with the author, met a few people, had some nibbles, browsed the cute shop and decided to move along. We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping and chatting and it was all very delightful.

Now normally this would have just been another outing for me, but since reframing how I see things, I decided to look at it as an adventure, as something fun that I had never tried before and to make the most of it. I got excited and felt very sophisticated going to a launch party. It was nice to have something to look forward to for a change, to enjoy my life and to get away from the doldrum of “the everyday” . Heck, I even got dressed up and wore jewlerry! It was also very refreshing to get to be ME again. It’s something I haven’t gotten to do in far too long.

I am looking forward to trying many new things and having many more fun adventures. I am excited about this new aspect of my life!

I wonder...

If I will ever truly be happy?

If I will ever get to my goal weight?

If I will ever be healthy in my head?

If my issues will ever really go away?

If I will ever find that one exercise that I love and can’t wait to get out and do?

If this heat spell will ever break?

If my girls will remember this dark time?

lf food ever become just fuel for my body?

If I will ever learn to love and accept myself?

It's been awhile...

Dear Blog,

I know it's been awhile, do you still remember me perhaps? I am your maker the one who created you and then so roughly abandoned you.

I just thought I'd let you know that I haven't forgotten about you and that in the back recesses of my mind I am debating coming back to you. I miss the feel of putting my thoughts on your warm green page, of letting my fingers fly over the keyboard, all willy nilly and seeing what the result may be.

I am thinking of changing your name, your format but then you are so warm and familiar that I like you just the way you are. Who cares what you used to be. You are mine, to be whatever and however I want.

Stay tuned...